I’d like to cancel my subscription to Menstrual Cycle Monthly
I’m sorry, it appears you’ve taken out a fifty-sixty year subscription. However, we can pause it for nine months as long as you sign a contract that says you’ll take out a subscription to Baby Daily for at least eighteen years
Damn those Terms and Conditions.
i didn’t even read them i’ve made a terrible mistake
It’s hard to cancel the subscription entirely, but if you get a professional to help you navigate Menstruation Co’s customer service department you can probably get the quarterly edition rather than the monthly?
MOMMA WILL GIVE ADVICE.
ALWAYS REMEMBER: MENSTRUATING DOES NOT MAKE YOU BAD. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE SICK. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE DIRTY.
First of all, do not go swimming in the ocean to look for Momma.
Momma will be right here.
Momma suggests that at first sign of blood, take tylenol. If you are super in tune with your body, take it when you estimate it will start soon!
Momma knows EXACTLY what to do for cramps. Eating cranberries or drinking their juice is a wonderful way to get rid of cramps.
Another way to help with the pain is to rest on your bed like in the picture, butt in the air and head on the ground.
Also, if you do not like pads OR tampons, there are more solutions!
They are very similar to one another. They are basically soft, silicone cups that go up into your lady cave that collect the blood.The softcup is a bit more expensive.
Also, Momma says that if you want to have sex and not have gushing everywhere, you can use a softcup!
The mooncup is a lot like the softcup, but it is reusable. Momma will remind you that you MUST disinfect it in boiling water.
You can even use natural sea sponge like a tampon!
Momma says it’s okay.
There are also cotton reusable pads!
Momma is also thinking of you men that have periods, too!
There is a special kind of boxers that you can buy with a special pocket for sanitary products! It also comes with a bulge.
The most important thing to do, menstruating or not, is to love and respect yourself. Do not feel ashamed, and get through it as well as you can!
Momma loves you!
I had a really small period and I was like “maybe I just miscarried a tiny fetus” and then I realized I haven’t had sex since Columbus landed in the Americas
I realize this sounds like I fucked Columbus. I want to clarify. Just so there’s no confusion, I did. I did fuck Columbus.
when the adhesive on your pad snags ur pubes
If you have pubes and use pads…than you probably aren’t having sex..
if a man (or a woman) can’t handle pubes or pads then he’s probably an immature douche who won’t grow up. if he can’t understand that pubes are a natural body occurance, or think that his preferance in my menstral protection is above my comfort then he’s probably an asshole and, just like with tampons, i dont want him up my vagina
There are the reusable ones that you safety pin in, pads and pubes are fine but that might help with the adhesive issue. I use pads (and tampons, heavy mofo of a flow) but remove my pubes because I cannot stand the feeling of them clotting together during the monthly bleeding of the well of sorrows
Also is tumblr user thetruthoftears of the impression that dfab people who are not having sex are incapable of feeling pain or…
- Blood comes out of your vagina for anywhere from 3-7 days
- That blood you lose can be around 4 tablespoons to a cup
- a cup of blood, vaginal mucus, and endometrial tissue
- You get cramps that will make you cry. You can vomit and/or pass out from them
- You will get horrible mood swings
- You get headaches
- Your breasts hurt so bad sometimes you can’t even touch them
- You get acne everywhere
- Your actual vagina could be sore
- Your feel constantly tired
- You have a constant fear of soaking through your pad/tampon
- You can’t lay a certain way in bed
- You take pill after pill and it still doesn’t help
- You bloat and gain weight
- You might have anemia (iron deficiency) which can not clot your blood causing so much blood loss it’ll be deadly
- You never feel full
- Everything irritates you
- You will cry a lot
- Once you get up in the morning, your center of gravity has shifted and all the blood settling in you during the night will now rush out of you causing you to clench your legs tightly to avoid leaking
- You get made fun of for having a period ?////?/?/
- You’re forced to go to school/work
- You get told that you’re overreacting
but ya know, fixing your dick discreetly in public is bad too
I would like to add:
- No one tells you that severe physical and/or mental distress is unnecessary and possibly a symptom of serious medical conditions.
- Like seriously, no one.
- Your own mother will tell you to take some painkillers and get on with your life.
- Your health teacher will tell you it’s normal.
- It’s not normal. If any other bodily system caused you crippling pain and debilitating mood swings, you’d get your ass to the doctor immediately.
- Of course, once you do go talk to a doctor about it, chances are right-wingers will want to deny you access to the medicine that will make your life easier because in a lot of cases that’ll be the same drugs as prevent pregnancy.
- If you complain as a teenager you’ll probably be brushed off with some bullshit excuse about “everyone’s cycle is different” because you’re young and (presumed) female and therefore assumed stupid and naive and by the time you’ve got the power to do something about it the stupid excuses have been hammered into your head for so long you probably believe them.
Why girls stress over periods
- The constant fear of bleeding through clothes
- The constant cramps
- Having to change pads/tampons every 2-4 hours
- Having to deal with mood swings
- Having to deal with boys going ‘Oh someones on their period’
- When you stand up its like a waterfall from your vagina
- Craving food to calm you down
- The constant fear that you smell of blood even though you dont
- Feeling over emotional
- FUCKEN CRAMPS
YOU MEAN I DON’T ACTUALLY SMELL LIKE BLOOD?!
If your cramps (or any other physical symptom of menstruation) are “constant” and/or severe enough that they interfere with everyday life, go see a doctor. You wouldn’t put up with that bullshit from any other basic biological function. Being in severe pain is not normal and it could be indicative of some underlying health problem.
- Uterus: Oh right.
- Uterus: Menstruation.
- Uterus: I knew I was forgetting something.
Why having a period is like being a werewolf
- Once a lunar month, your body starts doing things that even you don’t fully understand.
- You and your pack end up on the same schedule, one way or another. There’s this whole kinetic telepathy thing going on between you.
o Which would be really cool if the transformation itself didn’t hurt like a bitch and inconvenience you.
- Only you and those like you are capable of creating more of your kind.
- Your body gets super-hardcore, like, you can bleed for an entire week and survive, you get a really high pain tolerance, and sometimes medications don’t even have an effect on you.
- You get so. Very. Hungry.
- Certain substances make you crazy in unexpected ways.
- There’s a lot of inaccurate information about it on the Internet and in the media, which is occasionally funny, but mostly irritating.
- If you find yourself writhing on the floor and howling, that’s pretty much par for the course.
- People may mock or disparage you because of it. They also might chalk your decisions up to it, even when it’s entirely irrelevant. This makes you want to rip their heads off with your teeth no matter what time of the month it is.
o They are also likely to expect you to keep it a secret for their own peace of mind.
o Otherwise they’re probably going to call you a bitch.
- You feel a kinship with those who have undergone the same traumatic changes.
- There’s a strong physiological desire to have sex, but you feel like a fucking monster.
- Your emotions start manifesting externally. Scratching and biting may seem like perfectly understandable activities during this time.
- People might try to imply that you’re somehow inferior because of it, but that’s bullshit and we all know it.
where can I uninstall my period
i think if you download pregnancy it blocks it for a few months but then you get a really annoying loud pop up that doesn’t go away for 18 years
Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again
did you try taking the battery out?
put it in rice overnight
There’s actually some third-party plug ins that can help with the problem without the issues associated with the pregnancy fix, but they do require constant maintenance andI’ve heard anecdotes of them messing with some systems.
you know what’s not fair
normally when people get debilitating stomach cramps and fevers, they stay home from work or school for a day or two
but then you get your period and you’re expected to pOWER THROUGH IT LIKE A WOMAN AND GET SHIT DONE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE OFF EVERY MONTH EVEN AS THE FLESH IS TORN FROM YOUR UTERUS AND PURGED IN RIVERS OF BLOOD FROM YOUR VAGINA
why is that
Also if you are regularly feverish and in too much pain to move and have no control over your emotions for pretty much any other reason ever people will tell you to get immediate medical attention, but when it’s menstrual symptoms you get told OH EVERYONE’S CYCLE IS DIFFERENT CRAMPS ARE NORMAL TAKE SOME MIDOL AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
uh no DEBILITATING CRAMPS AND MOODSWINGS ARE NOT UNAVOIDABLE GO SEE A DOCTOR THERE ARE THINGS THEY CAN GIVE YOU TO MAKE IT LESS HIDEOUSLY UNPLEASANT TO BE A GIRLSHAPED PERSON OF CHILDBEARING AGE
master list of period cramp remedies:
✧ ibuprofen, advil, midol, etc.
✧ orgasm via sex or masturbation
✧ tea (raspberry, chamomile or peppermint is especially helpful)
✧ dong quai (supplements, tea, root, anything)
✧ hot bath/shower
✧ hot water bottle/heating pads
✧ swimming, yoga, light exercise
✧ healthy balanced diet with little caffeine, alcohol
✧ multivitamins (vitamin E, zinc, magnesium and calcium help cramps)
✧ rubbing your stomach
✧ deep heat rubs or patches
✧ raise your legs higher than your groin
✧ birth control
✧ shepherd’s purse (can be made into tea)
✧ ice on your belly/groin
✧ hot tub
✧ putting pressure on your lower abdomen to expel the blood accumulation
✧ rocking back and forth
✧ curling up in the fetal position in the middle of the floor (preferably where other people have to walk)
✧ cursing that one friend you have who says she doesn’t get cramps, and all her descendents unto the seventh generation
oh for fuck’s sake
it is not fair
i have cramps and it is too hot to curl up in the fetal position